ADVICE: Greenery and Gastronomic Catastrophe

Besides Christmas trees, there are other holiday greenery that can cause gastronomic catastrophes. I'm not quite sure why greenery suddenly becomes so important at this time of year. My secretary explained that in some places things become grimly brown and gray--no leaves, no grass and nothing but wet and something white like snow. Again we come upon this human obsession with color! Dog are blessed in this sensory situation since all the world is black, white and shades of gray. Green, it seems is not only a way of living in harmony with the world, it is also the color of plants although not all plants are green. If that makes any sense at all!

Living in California, I haven't had the opportunity to make the acquaintance of snow fairies or snow angels. My secretary tells me there is no smell to snow although since she is human and as all humans are olfactory-challenged, one can hardly take her word for that.

In any case, holidays bring out such greenery as lilies. These are not particularly harmful for the average canine although greens in great quantity are never in the best interest of carnivores. Rather, our friends the cat, also carnivores, can mistakenly give an absent-minded chew to lilies--tiger, Asian, Japanese show, stargazer and Casablanca--only to find the ER their next stop. Ingestion of lilies results in feline kidney failure.

Now there's also holly and mistletoe. For some odd reason, even though neither is commonly found in the Los Angeles area, the season finds humans making a mad rush to buy them. Something about kissing under the mistletoe? A dog might wonder why kissing should wait for a special occasion and why that occasion should necessitate the presence of some kind of plant although I'm told that a dozen long-stemmed roses, color red because humans seem to find color of the utmost importance, are a good reason for kissing. Seriously, I consider a good piece of bacon or a slice of pizza worthy of a kiss. What good is a rose when a pizza will hit the spot nicely?

In any case, holly causes nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and lethargy if eaten by a pet. Mistletoe, will cause gastrointestinal upset and cardiovascular problems. Sounds more like a reason for crying than kissing, but as always humans are often confused. Perhaps some distant ancestor kissed after thankfully surviving this gastrointestinal crisis giving rise to this strange custom.

Poinsettias, a favorite flower for this holiday season, was rumored to be poisonous to dogs. This is an exaggeration, probably started by some drama queen who got sick and milked the matter for hours, weeks or months. In reality, they will make the dog stomach queasy, might make one drool (although with some breeds this would be either hard to discern since they already do or greatly increase the size of the drool pools). I imagine in the case of a bull mastiff one could practice swimming. What will catch the attention of one's human companions would be the vomiting and diarrhea.

So what ever special greenery might pop up during this frantic season of irrationality in humans, do not nibble, do not chew up the scenery or you might find yourself on a quick trip to the doctor's. One can suggest plastic (as in fake flowers and not as in credit cards).

While this might be the only way one can get the attention of one's human companions during this season of madness, I do not recommend it. One should never resort to histrionics or other bad behavior such as self-harm, suicide and self-pitying whimpering even if one's companions are being quite impossible. Always, canines should act with class, hoping that one's human companions will follow suit.

Do not worry. The season does indeed pass and one's human companions shall regain their sanity and what little dogsense they may have.